Don Sebastian blessing my mesa and me in February of 2012
Sacred Responsibility
I’ve cut my writing time short this evening. Indeed, I’m lucky I looked up from my books and notes and laptop to check the clock because I’d become so totally immersed in my work that I’d lost all track of time. The catalyst for my intensity was the need to fulfill my sense of sacred responsibility.
I’ll be speaking to a university class tomorrow about Andean shamanism, and more specifically, the Q’ero tradition, which is the lineage into which I’ve been initiated.
In spite of the fact that I’ve been engaging in and living (to the best of my abilities) the teachings, rituals, and ceremonies of this lineage for 15 years, I nevertheless feel like a neophyte. I never know enough for my own comfort to consider myself a worthy messenger of this tradition.
It’s probably connected to some weird thing I have in my own head about teaching – such as one must not only be an expert on the subject but also impeccable in your execution of what you know.
Hmm. Just writing that belief out (which is akin to saying it out loud) gives me pause.
A Pretty High Bar
Nevertheless, it is my curse. Oh wait – what do I say about being cognizant of our use of words? It is my blessing. Ha ha. OK. That’s over the top. It is my challenge. Yes, that works.
Ever since I was asked to speak, I’ve been alternately pondering and fretting over what I would say. My inclination is to go for the intellectual approach. You know, outline various aspects of Andean cosmology. Get into the facts. Sound like an anthropologist.
Be detached and clinical.
So I pull out all my books and I pore over the notes I took in a myriad of courses and trainings and sitting with paqos (what shamans are called in Peru). And I get myself all caught up in conveying everything I’ve been taught just so. The reason I get so caught up is because of how much I care. Acting as an ambassador of any tradition is a sacred responsibility. But I honestly feel that the responsibility is even greater when I am speaking about a tradition that I was not born into, but rather, welcomed into.
Be Real
My response to inundating myself in all of my notes and rereading passages from books is two fold:
First, I become anxious and overwhelmed with getting everything just right.
But secondly – and perhaps most importantly, I remember the lush deliciousness of this path. Yes, I realize there are many things I’ve forgotten – or at least aspects I don’t consciously think about in my day-to-day life. Immersing myself in what I’ve been taught makes me yearn to absorb it even more.
And the ultimate realization is that I must simply show up and be real.
The Q’ero in particular are astonishingly generous in sharing their teachings. And that is probably the single best aspect of this lineage that I can share: their generosity of spirit. Their astonishingly open and generous hearts.
And so, while I will be armed with lots of intellectually oriented facts tomorrow, my perspective will be embodying what I’ve been shown by the Q’ero themselves: generously sharing what I have personally experienced walking the path of heart that is the Andean Way. That’s my sacred responsibility.
(T-1003)