Sacrifice

CSA Flowers – Photo: L. Weikel

So far, I’ve been extraordinarily lucky not to have been asked to sacrifice a great deal as a result of the pandemic.

I’m grateful that no one in my family has been hit with the virus (yet), although I have had a few friends contract it. Thankfully, there have been no hospitalizations (yet).

Part of the ‘luck’ I feel Karl and I are experiencing is a direct result of our ability to aggressively keep to ourselves. Both of us are able to continue our work from home. Yes, even my work – which I suppose might be an interesting blog post in itself.

A key to a lot of that aggressive isolation is continuing the protocols we began back in March, even though our state began ‘opening up,’ albeit carefully, a few weeks ago.

Discovering What’s Necessary

Karl and I discovered in those early months of the pandemic that we really don’t need to run around anywhere near as much as we used to. Indeed, we’ve begun admitting to ourselves and each other that a not insubstantial portion of our hopping in the car was related to procrastination.

Needless to say, we’ve both stealthily acquired and honed a few new procrastination techniques – but I can confidently assure you, they do not involve our cars. So that’s a win/win in my book.

We’ve also realized just how little we actually need of anything other than food. And books. Of course, how could I forget books.

A Revelation

So it was a revelation to me today to witness just how thrown I was by my decision not to travel to Connecticut to participate in my eldest sister’s 80^th birthday.

Damn. 80. That just doesn’t seem possible. If you were to meet her, you’d never think she was 80. She still works, even, twice a week, in a museum gift shop. And I’m grateful she can do that – I have no doubt it keeps her sharp and provides for essential human contact which keeps her young at heart, in mind and spirit.

Which leads me to my feeling of having sacrificed today in a meaningful way. It’s not been a sacrifice for me to ‘hard quarantine.’ It’s been annoying at times, and inconvenient. But having to actively say ‘no’ to myself and restrain myself from jumping in the car and heading north to Connecticut to celebrate Jane’s huge milestone was huge for me. And weighed heavily on my heart.

A Strategy

Indeed, I scheduled a session with a client for this afternoon precisely because I knew I’d be tempted at the last minute to ‘be there’ for her – and to see her kids, my nieces and nephews. But I knew I wouldn’t cancel with a client; that’s sacred. And I felt the wisdom of the foresight of that strategy, believe me. Instead of licking my wounds and second-guessing myself, or worse – feeling sorry for myself – I focused on the needs of my client.

Another win/win.

Saying ‘no’ to myself and refusing to allow myself to go to Jane’s party felt like a true sacrifice. I did it, though, because I want Jane to live to see more birthdays in her 80s (and beyond, Goddess willing). And since who knows whether Karl and I might be asymptomatic carriers, I could not and would not risk attending. And that goes for my nieces and nephews and their kids.

I want our family’s clean record to remain unbroken. And for that, I was willing to sacrifice.

Love you, Jane. Happy birthday!