Some Nights

Sirius & Orion – Photo: L. Weikel

Some nights it’s really hard for me to come up with anything to write about that doesn’t bludgeon our sensibilities with thoughts and emotions that are unrequited. That’s especially true when two circumstances collide and rob me of my inspiration: (1) when I’m constrained by my sense of civic responsibility and passion for our system of law and government to avidly watch the Senate impeachment trial; and (2) when I fail to get myself outside to take a walk.

Yes, I’ll admit it. I become consumed by the writhing gyrations our country is going through. I feel helpless as I watch it struggle to either give birth to a new, more diverse, passionate, and unified version of itself or die as it reverts to its fearful, racist, hateful, and disrespectful roots.

Indeed, those roots are the undercurrent that streams throughout our perceptions of the Senate trial we’re witnessing this week. Those roots are the source of the trauma we’ve endured and seen perpetrated in our name, the violence we’ve seen stoked since the very first rallies took place, the desecration and madness that was unleashed on our elected representatives and sacred symbols of democracy on January 6^th.

Not Light and Airy

Believe me, I’d love to write about something whimsical or fanciful this evening. My usual go-to sources of a higher perspective, Mother Earth and her myriad creations, don’t feel as readily available to me when I fail to take make the effort to get outside my cocoon.

And perhaps, if I’d managed to wedge in a walk this evening, I might have received the gift of a distraction. But I didn’t. So I’m relegated to musing over the unsettling way my heart feels like it’s taken up residence in the pit of my stomach.

I don’t know if any of you heard it, but at least twice in the arguments that took place today on behalf of the House Managers, the word resilience or resilient was used to refer to our democratic ideals. For obvious reasons, if you’ve been hanging with me this week, you’ll understand that the word jumped out of the television at me.

Crumbling Institution

We’re going to find out over the next few days just where we stand. If there is a conviction, there will be fallout. At least, I imagine there will be disappointment and at least some outrage felt by those who have fallen for The Big Lie. Hopefully, the backlash will be muffled and subdued, because deep down, hatred is unsustainable.

But if there is an acquittal…ah yes. That’s the situation that will test our resilience probably more than it’s ever been tested in our history. Even more than the Civil War? Yeah, probably. Because an acquittal will give legitimacy to the very same factions that incited the Civil War and were allowed to flourish under a veneer of invisibility and distorted respectability.

But that veneer has been ripped off by the actions stoked by DT and perpetrated on our nation. An acquittal will force an eruption, because the ideology of those who desecrated our capitol is unsustainable.

Some nights, like tonight, I hang on to the idea of our resilience by a thread.